Regrouping

This past weekend I did nothing but stay at home, hang out with the cat, and watch some 30 Rock on Netflix. Needless to say, it was not a fun weekend, and I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself and how I succumbed to self pity and laziness. The main reasons for this wallowing stem from my inability to get excited and motivated about my work. I know what needs to change about my attitude, and I'm trying to move in that direction, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually change my attitude.
I get way too far ahead of myself and start stressing about the future, like what am I possibly going to do either for my PhD, or a career or even just a stupid job for awhile after we get back from Europe. I start thinking about who would want me after my abysmal performance on my masters degree, or how I could ever have the confidence and know-how to teach in a classroom, but more than that, how could I ever have a job that would pay me enough money to live off of? Pay all my bills? Get contacts every month? Pay rent? Cell phone? Everything that a functioning adult in todays world has to deal with. As I think all these thoughts, I almost feel disconnected from my body, as if I'm looking in at this person, who is a college graduate, almost has a masters degree, but doesn't seem to know how to be an adult. Does everyone feel that way when they have to finally become completely independent from their parents? I know I'm luckier than a lot of people by not having student loans and having parents who were able to support me for so long; maybe that's my problem, I've been coddled:)
But, then, I try to take a deep breath and "count my blessings" if you will. I have a wonderful family, an amazing boyfriend who puts up with all this crazy, an adorable cat who tends to show his affection by biting me awake in the morning, a great place to live, and great friends to go bike with. I'm trying so hard right now to not let the negative cast a shadow on everything else that's so great about my life! I admit, this past weekend I failed at that. But today is a new day, off to a slightly shaky start, but it has some potential.
-Megan